Sunday, December 13, 2009


you could have allowed me
to remain
enslaved to my false hopes
of idealism.
it would have been easy
to watch me carry on
for another four years,
twinkle-tapping in sparkly
fairytales that were
never meant to be.
but you are faithful and merciful,
a gracious father
who longs to give of your goodness
and so you broke me.
the well manicured walls 
of self-protection
came tumbling down
while my soul drown
in pools of salty tears.
rising up were the jewels
of contrition and brokenness
so that i can stand
in the hope of your love.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009


the word of god
is food for my soul.
where does my help come from?
from where
does the source of 
life spring forth?
it is in the quiet place.
the tabernacle of my heart
where the spirit of the living god dwells.
nothing else 
can satisfy the depravity
of my shattered soul
but the one who calls himself


my soul is thirsty
for the life that
comes from 
the spirit of god.

come oh holy god
and breathe
on these bones that are 
as dry as the dust of the earth.

as deep cries out to deep
so my soul calls
out to christ my savior.

to be like a tree 
planted next to the 
satisfying riverbed
is the longing of my heart.

here i am 
communing with the
one my heart loves.

and here i ask -
hold me close to your bosom
and speak tenderly
with the wind of your spirit.

Monday, May 25, 2009

one thing

in all of life
there is but one thing,
to seek after
the burning heart of the
father almighty
to bow before his throne
and send forth the
fragrance of worship
to sit with eyes wide open
and gaze upon the
beauty of the lord.

in all of life
there is but one thing,
to arise to the beckoning
of the bridegroom
and partner with love
to dwell in the house
of the gracious redeemer
singing songs of intimacy
to wait and take heart
for the one who
leads beside quiet waters.

in all of life
there is but one thing,
to restfully lie
in the safety
of his dwelling place
to be protected by
the shelter of his tabernacle
and rest my head
upon his breast
to be transformed
by the fiery kiln
of radiant intercession.

in all of life
there is but one thing,
to look to him
with cheeks that are
void of shame
to run towards the
irresistible grace
of the one who
bides me to come
to delight
sitting in his shade
and eat the fruits
of his goodness.

in all of life
there is but one thing,
to position myself
in a posture of humility
and fill my lamp
with oil
to wash the feet
of the one
whose sandals i am
not worthy to touch
to be baptized
by the sweetness
of him
who was, and is, and is to come.

Friday, May 1, 2009

deuteronomy 8:2-10

be careful that 
you do not forget
the lord your god.
remember -
remember when god
led you away from
 your comforts, safety, and familiarity
into the land of the unknown.
this land that is called
the desert
became the hands
that stripped you
of every form fitting facade.
the desert posed as
the loosening force
to unclench your
white knuckles that gripped
the rope of control.
in the desert
you were left
naked, alone, and vulnerable.
the only company was
your sin and a mirror
with your broken
image reflecting from deep within.

be careful that
you do not forget
the lord your god.
remember -
remember when god
led you away in
order to test you
so that what is 
in your heart
could be illuminated by grace.
this test bore
the face of depression
producing dark nights
without the hope of dawn.
the test grew
to become your character
of perseverance
with each step taken
towards the cross of redemption.
with this test you lay 
completely humbled
so that all that remained
was him that is 
in you.

be careful that
you do not forget
the lord your god.
remember -
remember when god
fed you with truths
of your identity.
naming you
beloved, daughter, and bride.
with this food
you began to arise
with the light of hope
flickering in the distant
good land.
the food was your portion
that held you through
the testing desert
in order to call you by name.

be careful that 
you do not forget
the lord your god.
remember -
remember when god
provided as you 
walked in his ways.
the salt from you tears
transformed into
drops of olive oil
dripping from a heart of praise.
these gifts took on
new tastes.
instead of the bitterness 
of anguish under your tongue
lay the sweetness
of honey and pomegranates.
your parched soul
was quenched
with streams and pools of water.
provisions that were 
never scarce
filling your ever need.
lacking nothing
completely satisfied.

be careful that 
you do not forget
the lord your god.
remember -
remember when god
led you to the desert
tested your heart
fed you with truth
and provided your everything.
praise him!
praise his name
and do not forget.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

ash wednesday selah

my bones
they are wasting away
the sin 
of my soul
is too hideous to reveal.
in silent hiding
i must remain.
but dare i
the veiled ugliness?
day and night
your hand
it is so heavy
crushing, pressing down
upon me.
the strength
of my flesh wilts
as in the heat
of summer's sun.
all day long
groaning seeps from
every fiber of my being.
this pain is too great.
but dare i
the veiled ugliness?
my eyes
grow weaker still
with the sorrow and grief
that consumes me.
the affliction
of my heart
crushes the spirit
brokenhearted i remain
alone, cold, and anguished.
but dare i 
acknowledge the veiled ugliness?
untiring hands
stretch forth
in the emptiness of my night.
again i refuse
your comfort to my soul
it is easier here
the familiarity of sin
has become a companion.
my silence
strengthens its deceptive
but dare i
the veiled ugliness?
forsaken i have become
who can save me?
the pain
of my loneliness
strangles the light
holding me hostage
as a prisoner of inequities.
the troubles of
my heart
have conceived and filled
my life with despair.
there is only silence.
but dare i 
the veiled ugliness?

Friday, February 13, 2009

hurting healing love

true love it does hurt
but will not flee from the pain
true love it does heal.

plea of rescue

how wretched are the thoughts
that poison my mind.
the snakes
so evil,
slither their way into the innocence 
of my heart
damaging all that is good along
their way.

crawling on their bellies
they pursue the throne
in my soul.

o army of god!
where are you?
these pollutant, life killing serpents
are taking over.

this battle of evil is yours
to fight
my lord
beside you i stand adorned
with your armor.

rescue me
your daughter
your bride.

pinnacle song

silhouettes of life
formed by evenings pastel hues
natures music crescendos.

searching flight

a bird flies solo
searching for her hearts delight
to where shall she fly?


then i was so young
i did not know who i was
you do not know me.

a space

i like to sit
out on the deck
in the mornings.
from here i can see
the ocean
its grandness stretching,
reaching, boundlessly
leaping to collide
with the distant 
horizon line.
there is a certain smell
from this spot of mine
it's hard to describe
a mixture perhaps
of salt and earth
nostalgia and romance.
its comfortable 
in this place
morning sun isn't
quite high enough
to peek over the
wall and greet
me with a kiss.
but he colors 
the surroundings
with tungsten life
sometimes i rest
my head 
on the back of the chair
and sink in.
listening contently
to the choir of birds
sometimes they are 
gentle and modest singers
sometimes they pronounce
their voices like that
of clanging cymbals.
as i rest
i often think of 
grandma's house
the red one on the hill.
it is here
in this space
where i give god 
the key to unlock
the bountiful hopes
contained in my heart.
it isn't long
until desires are 
dancing freely
released to stretch,
reach, and boundlessly leap
to collide with the heavens.
love is the leader
counting the steps
for the others to follow.
i never speak
when sitting out here
the world around me
offers its wisdom
for me to
simply sit
rest my head
and listen.

a place

out on the cliffs
so high above
unhindered view
to the world below.
this is where 
i like to sit.
dusk is my most
frequented companion
she fails not
to stir within
deep tranquility and whimsical daydreams.
upon these cliffs
i watch before me
the most glorious cascade
of colors
bleeding, curling, weaving
with one another
as the blazing fire
oranges turn to pinks
yellows transform
to purples
and their welcoming arms
reach to touch
the corners of the world.
it's a rare thing of beauty
sitting out here
perched upon the cliffs.
o how i wish
i could box it up
so that you may open
and the bursting
sea breeze and candy coated
will allure your spirit
into dusk's
sweet tranquility.


come forth come forth
you beckon
from the rocks
that hide
your voice your voice your voice
so sweet
and your face so lovely

you say arise
my beautiful bride
partner with me
come let us flee

to the mountains
we will journey
to the mountains of myrrh
and into the wilderness
the wilderness, the wilderness of redemption

you say arise
my beautiful bride
partner with me
come let us flee

we will run
we will dance
in the lilies of the valley
o how pleasing
my darling my love
is the fragrance of your perfume

you say arise
my beautiful bride
partner with me
come let us flee.

a poem for my brother

break down dear brother
those sturdy walls 
of introspection.

pick up the sword 
of the spirit
and silence the darkness
that holds you captive.

turn your ear beloved son
from the voices
you hope will give you worth.

search, keep searching
for the sound of silence.
there you will find
the still, small whisper
of the one who gives you name.

rise up mighty friend
keep your lamp burning
with the fragrant oil
of worship.

fly away goodbye

i am putting to death
my monarch friend
this intricately gentle
winged memory.

no longer do i want it
fluttering about
interrupting my wholeness.

i tear apart the wings
so never again can he fly
into my days
reminding me of his
penetrating existence.

one by one i rip 
tearfully gazing
at his colorful details
shredding completely.

goodbye my monarch love
i've said it before.
but this time it's different.
you can have my heart no longer
though you never knew
it belonged to you.

i will miss you to be sure
for you were my first.
but i belong
somewhere i feel free.
goodbye my love.

from stillness to partnership

in the beginning
was the stillness of the word
the word that rested
so quietly
within the heart
of the father almighty.

breaking the silence of timeless stillness
the father did speak
words of delight
and words of desire
and breathed into existence
the glorious creation
of his one and only
beloved son.

longing to give
his son so dear
an inheritance so priceless.
living word of passion
spoke into being
a lovely bride and partner for life
to reign with the son
forever by his side.

"she is yours" my dear son
"cherish her" this bride i give
who's value and worth is purely birthed
out of relationship
intimate, sacred, and true.

as i give
so shall you
speak into her
words of truth
love her as a jealous bridegroom.

fight for her o son of mine
for as she is yours
she also is mine.

psalm 130

the dark night of my soul
sets in
unbearable weight piles upon
the yoke of
fear i carry.

stifling layers of pain
crack and shatter
my spirit
so weary.

i wade through the blackness
in search of your morning.
crimson stains of sin
blindfold the light
of loves salvation.

sisters and brothers come quickly
peel open my eyes of green
to gaze into 
mercy's liberation.

dear friends i plead
walk with me
that i may taste.

darkness comes before dawn
let us wait like watchmen
and let us wait together.

from the depths
hope flickers.
crushing burden of shame
now weightless.

dancing in fields of joy
redemption beams.

o friends you stayed
upholding till i receive
guiding me to embrace.

lord you failed not
exchaning my night
for your radiance
of grace.

psalm 42

alone is my soul
in the pain of this wilderness.
how did i get here;
to this dark place of seclusion?

fear, loneliness, and anguish
are the foxes of my night.
marring truth while shredding life
maliciously they conquer
the allegiance within.

i once lay peacefully
under the shade of your tree
delight was ours
lovesick affections
spilled forth.

the days are fierce
silent cold relentlessly whips
during this bitter, lonely winter.

deep cries out to deep
where has my lover gone?
have you seen the one
my heart loves?

shadows so black
tears of sorrow rush forth.

far off the faintest voice
a soft, whispering bid
arise and come.
until the day breaks
and the shadows flee
 i will go.

reaching through the 
midnight deep
desperation longs to touch
the hope of dawn.

pain meets hope

you heart it aching
questions swirling about
suffocating the hope
buried by life's pains.

inside awaits a sacred place
the inner most dwelling of christ
rise up dear sister
gather your strength
and enter his refuge.

bringing your fears
surrendering your doubts.

he longs to meet you
comfort and peace
will diminish the tears of hurt.

open wide your soul
let his light in
to erase the night.

until the day breaks
and the shadows flee
live as the beloved
embrace his ravished heart.

cry out, release your brokenness
faithfulness will not turn away.

delicacies await you
at the table of the king.
feast upon the goodness
journey into intimacy
for perfect love 
casts out fear.


you beckon me to abandonedly trust.
in the unknown,
i stumble for the ropes
to see, to know, to control
my minds darkest lust.

gentle whispers caress my cares
with hope.
clenched fists slowly loosen their grip.
arise and come
my darling, my love.

brokenness, shame, and hurt
you tenderly strip
revealing my trueness
and my eyes like a dove.

the world is a question
a sea of uncertainty
alluring me to fill
with temporary pleasures.

with your heart i will partner
to you i flee
intoxicating love 
is this life's only treasure.

quieted blanket

the quiet, gentle falling snow
produces a desire
to ape the simple solidarity
of each unique flake.

floating, swirrling down they travel
blanketing our noisy world of chaos
with an invitation to
be still and rest.

glistening waltz

a single web dances 
with morning light.
warm rays reflect the radiance
of her form.
in perfect unison
the two waltz
arm in arm
for their adoring audience.

tungsten morning

the low hanging sun
of mid - morning 
casts long, relaxed shadows
stirring within my romantic frame of mind
a glowing desire to photograph.

its warm tungsten rays
are the lamplight by which
i travel into the colorful
expressions of yann martel.

rhythmic movement of
pacific waves
sets the tone
for todays remaining hours
while the kiss of father morning
invites me to remain
in the riches of his presence.